Icarus
by crimsoncrimes
Summary: Severus Snape did the most regrettable thing he ever did in his miserable life. He cheated on his wife.
1. His Mistake

Her hands shook.

Tears fell from her pale face as she reread the paper again and again but it just showed the same content before she slowly dropped it as she sank down to her knees.

The newspaper that now lay on the floor featured the headline about how Severus Snape—the war hero, the loyal spy, the former headmaster— her husband—had an amorous affair with one of his own students while she was away with her job in the ministry for the past three months.

It had taken all of her self control just to read the first page as she found out that he had accepted an interview regarding the matter which stated that he only took the girl's proposition for she had graduated and was not forced upon by the potions master at all. This fueled her anger even more since it seemed he had only agreed to the article just so he can clear the wrong assumption of him taking advantage of his position as teacher and was not at all denying of the fact that he had slept with her. She was further enraged when he had stated that he had brought her to his—their— quarters only after the girl had graduated and had only continued since then.

Her heart sank even further when she found out that the writer of the article wasn't even by Rita Skeeter. The Prophet had flooded on contacting her, wanting to know her comments and reaction. It made her feel even worse when the Quibbler was also able to post an editorial about the torrent affair.

Hermione didn't know what to say.

Anger, confusion, surprise, and sadness all plagued her mind of how, just how?

How can he—HE, of all people, do this to HER?

How did she not notice a guilty glint in his eyes when she saw him this month?

How did she not notice it happen?

Droplets fell as she began to tear up once more, feeling lost and sorrow grip her soul.

It had hit her with a physical blow as she read further at how he explained that he did it with the parents' knowing consent. They were apathetic and seemed almost happy with the sudden fame they were receiving as they stated on how they didn't care who slept with their child as long as she didn't get pregnant.

She ground her teeth in anger.

He said he loved her…

How can he lie to her?

She couldn't stand it anymore.

She screamed in hysterics—at her sorrow.

She wailed.

She cried for hours as she ignored the hundreds—now thousands—of owls that flew into her office that were probably from her friends and family who were seeking to comfort her. She ignored them all as she drew her knees closer to her face, feeling completely worthless. Despite her eyes that were fogged and misty, she noticed a black owl that was about to drop a letter with a very familiar spiky handwriting scrawled across it.

She immediately grabbed the envelope, and was about to open it—wanting to find an explanation—when a fresh surge of rage overcame her senses that she threw the letter along with the newspaper to the fireplace.

She let the tears fall as the items smolder away to nothingness.

When a few more silent moments went by she realized that she will not stand up for this. She will not let this—her failed marriage—bring her down and cripple her. Even if it was by Severus bloody Snape; she will not let him have the satisfaction of seeing what he has done to her. May it be that a wizard marriage does not allow a divorce; she has no intention of seeing him again—ever for that matter.

Even if she was pregnant with his child.

He does not deserve to know.

She took a deep breath as she steadied her breathing.

She made up her mind.

Warding her doors, she blocked her floo network making sure she won't be receiving any unwanted visitors as she began to clear her office. She stood on shaky legs as she began to remove the letters that he had sent her which started everything. She had brought them so she can read them whenever she felt lonely, and now she felt more betrayed and alone than ever. She reviewed about how he began courting her through these correspondences and how he blinded her with his poetry of how he loved her and would do anything for her.

She remembered how she used to feel so complete when she read his words, when she wrote to him earnestly, telling him her fears, and pouring all her love into her own letters.

It had made her feel complete.

It had made her feel happy.

Now she felt numb and rereading each one left a nauseating bitter taste in her mouth.

She took the special tin container that she had placed them in and threw them all into the fire without any remorse. She watched it in grim satisfaction as the case was in no time turned into melted metal and the letters to ashes.

Smiling bitterly, she resumed her work. She began to write her resignation letter on her desk as she wanted to avoid him. For her job, she didn't mind leaving it. It was a dead-end job anyway and she had other job offers that she could choose from that were mainly from different countries thanks to her intelligence along with her status as a war hero. She had at first had wanted to talk with Severus about them but seeing the…unexpected circumstances, she thought it was the best time to have a different occupation.

She began to pack her bags as she silently packed everything she had with her wand. He could keep her items in their— no, his quarters, as they were all replaceable anyway and she did not need to think of how to dispose the other items he had given her. She had just placed the note for her resignation when she noticed a glimmer in her finger.

Her ring.

With the warm fire, it glowed with an orange shade as it sparkled along with the light. She sadly remembered when he had first proposed to her and how nervous he had been as well as how cheerful she was as soon as she found out that she squealed with joy that she imagined his future with him as his—

Stop.

It was best to leave the past behind now.

He no longer deserved any of her futures.

Her resentment for him flowed back rapidly in her veins that as she took her ring off she felt so much contempt and disgust. If she threw this to the fire now, she felt he would not matter anymore. That it would somehow erase him from her memories and release her from everything that she had felt tonight. As she was about to throw it into the flames, a loud whoosh could be heard at her door.

She felt someone breach her wards.

'Oh no…'

She quickly grabbed her bags and was about to apparate away when a firm yet gentle hand touched her shoulder.

"Hermione…"

She sucked a breath.

She turned her head to look at him and smiled icily before replying.

"Severus, what ever are you doing here?"

He was no different from his usual black robes when it came to his clothing but she noticed that they were disheveled while the bags under his eyes were more prominent and his skin pallid more than ever.

"I…came to see you," He licked his chapped lips. "I wish to discuss about…what I've—"

She let out a dry hollow laugh before gazing at him fiercely.

"Ever so formal Severus?" She simpered bitterly.

"Hermione, at least let me try to ex—"

"There is nothing," She hissed "that I wish to discuss with the likes of you as you've made your intentions quite clear." She choked back a sob threatening to escape from her trembling lips when she tried to level her gaze at him. "Don't ever come near me again Severus Snape," She grabbed her bags. "Now… goodbye…" She bravely strode forward, wanting to leave as soon as possible when a pair of unyielding arms hugged her from behind. Her form quivered at the familiarity of the gesture. She closed her eyes, biting back the tears that threatened to fall.

'Steady.' She told herself.

"Hermione…"His voice rasped as though he had been drinking. "I didn't mean to…I...I'm sorry…" Gripping her tighter, he buried his face in her hair, muffling his words. "I had missed you so much these past months that I...I've wanted to tell you before all this happened… Hermione, please…forgive me..." He whispered brokenly.

Herbs, parchment, and sandalwood surrounded her, his scent trying to do its best to comfort her as she involuntarily relaxed from his closeness.

She loved him.

And yet...why did she feel so… numb?

"I love you so much Hermione…"

'No.' Her mind whispered, escaping the facade of comfort that he tried to provide for her.

'He does not.'

She has had enough.

She jerked away from him as a crackle of raw energy began to form in her as pure rage settled deeply in her heart and being. She brought her wand out as she jabbed it directly under his chin when he tried to go near her. "Did you know," She spoke softly. "That I had saved every letter you've written to me? Have I ever told you how I fell in love with the way you wove your words as if it were actually an enchantment that you've blinded me?" Her eyes finally succumbed to her emotions as droplets fell from her face. "Did you know that?"

"Hermione…I…" She raised a hand to stop him from continuing.

"Let me finish," She glared at him as he fell silent.

"I fell in love with you Severus… I truly did…and now, I've reread all of your letters..."She shook her head. "And I've been trying to see if…they were even true at all…" Her sight was filled to the brim with her tears that she blinked them away while her mouth trembled. "Did you really belong to me, Severus?"

She inhaled deeply.

Snape remained quiet but she can obviously see how his gaze was filled with pain at seeing her this way. She can see his hands that were itching to comfort her as if he could take the pain all back. She'd better get to the point before she broke down even further and give him a chance.

"I'm leaving you Severus…"

"Hermione, please…let me explain—"

"THERE IS NOTHING TO EXPLAIN SEVERUS!" She screamed with fury, her magic whipping dangerously in the air. "YOU'VE PUBLISHED YOUR SCANDAL IN THE NEWSPAPER FOR ALL TO SEE! YOU'VE **PUBLICLY** HUMILIATED ME, TORE MY HEART OUT, AND STOMPED ON IT! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!"

She took shuddering breaths as she tried to steady her breathing, making her lower her wand.

He seemed to break as she stepped away from him as his hand tried to hold on to her.

"You can continue sleeping with any whore as you wish Severus, but let me tell you this, I am no whore." She spat out. "I've burned everything that has no use for me and you can do the same with my items in your quarters."

For the last time, she took hold of her luggage.

She had noticed his slightly outstretched hand and decided to hand him the ring that she had been holding this whole time. His hand tried to grasp at hers to which she flinched at and took it abruptly out of his grasp.

"Don't go..." He whispered weakly.

She would've pitied him when she saw tears fill in his usually calm eyes but all she felt was a sadistic pleasure on seeing him hurt as she was. He should've known better.

"Goodbye Severus, you'll never be seeing me ever again." She said as she glanced at him for the last time.

And with that, she apparated away, leaving the usually dour potions master shatter as a small whimper left his lips as he sunk down to his knees in the otherwise empty office.

He could do nothing but stare and let his world fall apart all around him. He held her ring tightly like a life line, knowing entirely well that this would be his last solid reminder of her.


	2. Reminisce

_She sadly smiled at him._

 _He felt her fingers cup his cheek in a gentle yet familiar manner as he leaned toward it, missing her touch._

 _She was saying something to him._

 _But he couldn't quite catch it despite trying desperately to understand._

 _He wanted to look at her; see her face, but all he could see was a blur._

 _Her hands tilted his face slowly to his side as a sweet whisper came near his ear._

 _"Severus..."_

He woke up with a start.

He found himself draped around the comforters, shaking in cold moisture as he found his nether region throbbing in need. He exhaled through his nose, trying to make himself calm down. Closing his eyes with a shiver, he pushed his stringy hair out of his face while he removed himself from his bed, knowing perfectly well that he won't be getting any more sleep tonight even if he tried. That not even potions would help.

After all, everyone knows that when one uses Dreamless Sleep for so long, its effects cease.

His feet touched the freezing floor, making shudders work themselves all over his body. Determined to get to his destination, he ignored it but dreaded on what he was about to do. In contrast to popular belief, the potions master didn't like the chilly atmosphere despite teaching in the dungeons for so long. In fact, he even disliked cold showers for its intensity of sudden temperature on his skin, but right now, he didn't give himself a choice for this matter. As for the other option to get rid of his _problem_ , he had abstained himself from any pleasure, right after all the events that had happened. He didn't deserve _anything_ after all.

He entered the washroom. As he removed his sweat-soaked clothing, he tried to distract himself; desperately wanting his mind to stop drifting off to the occasion that night held for him but utterly failed. It didn't help that his subconscious betrayed him as it devilishly taunted it in his head.

 _It was their anniversary._

He winced.

He turned on the spigot as angry pellets of chilly water encased him into a numbing sensation as his body involuntarily unwound from the feeling. He shut his eyes, attempting to just empty his head but his thoughts—ever so traitorous—plunged him into a memorabilia of how he ruined his own life and in return, broke the only person he cherished the most who had also loved him back.

He wasn't even trying to remember how long it's been but he somehow kept track.

Or maybe it's because he can't forget.

 _That it's been a year since he last saw her._

 _It's been a year since he last saw how broken she was because of him._

 _It's been a year since he last saw of her pain, of her fury, of her loathing of him._

 _And she did the right thing._

 _She had the right to leave him._

 _Hell, he was surprised that she didn't hex him to oblivion and that somehow made everything worse._

 _He didn't deserve her._

 _Even if his actions were caused by the curse left in the dark mark, he didn't deserve anything._

He rubbed his temple in frustration as the chilly water finally seeped into his being. He began to remove himself from the shower and dried himself when he had the feeling that he would be plagued by these recollections. As he dressed, every time he closed his eyes he can't help but remember, that he had immediately went to his study and brought out a bottle of Ogden's finest for he knew he had no other choice but to drown out his sorrows to lessen the pain as he let it run amok in his head. He breathed slowly.

He remembered the memories truly well.

Of how they first started, of how she began to talk to him through letters when he was still recovering. He recalled of how she began to ask him for advice about her job in the Ministry and of how he was first irritated at her insistent writing until they turned into the highlight of his day. He remembered the day when he realized he was in love with her for some time now when she finally confessed to him. He recalled of how their wedding day turned out, of how her job had to cut in their honey moon because the _damn_ Ministry didn't seem to know how to operate without her, though he knew that it wasn't her fault. After all, the Wizarding World was standing on brittle ground after the war in which the brains of the Golden Trio was clearly needed to help it back up, if not for actual solution then rather as a voice as well as a distraction for the media since Boy Wonder had enough of them and the Weasley boy wasn't as appropriate as she was.

And although she arrived at the dead of night—tired, clearly lacking sleep, they still enjoyed the company that they had when they had time. That was, until he discovered the curse left in his dark mark.

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he reminisced.

He couldn't tell Hermione how it bothered him. She had enough to deal with. What she needed was support and he will give it to her. When it had first started, he couldn't tell her of how it gave him headaches, random intervals of pain, and negative thoughts. He didn't tell her of how he sometimes hears whispers of doubt of her love in his mind that he had to drink just to make it stop. They plagued him so much that it cost him little to no sleep despite the potions that he took. These had all started when he found out he wasn't the only one.

"You don't look any better than I do," Lucius Malfoy mused tiredly, one sunny Saturday afternoon. "Though I must admit, at least my eyes don't look as if I've been trampled on by a hippogriff."

He snorted.

"In any degree, I don't spend my time in the mirror, gawking at my own appearance, Lucius."

"Touché." His friend smiled, however Snape noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes.

The Hogwarts professor straightened his posture once more before he began to speak. "Let me guess, you are not here simply for idle chatter aren't you?"

The Malfoy patriarch gazed wistfully at his companion. He had been hoping not to bring it up too soon, but since Severus already noticed; he might as well. "Astute as ever, I see…" he sighed. "Have you felt…any _urges_ lately?"

He raised a brow. "What exactly do you mean?"

"Surely, you've been feeling it as well, Severus. I cannot be the only one… " He pinched the bridge of his nose as he exhaled. "Like…urges to do things you wouldn't _normally_ do…things you wouldn't usually entertain…" The blonde swallowed. "I haven't been feeling myself as of late, and _this_ ," He revealed his dark mark to him, which looked as prominent as ever. "Is the cause of it all…"

Snape had a sinking feeling in his chest.

"Lucius," he said slowly, as he unconsciously held his own mark at his arm. "What did you do?"

The man before him went silent before audibly sighing, looking tense.

"I hurt them…" His friend whispered, his eyes looking lost at the memory. "Severus, I hurt my wife and my son...I didn't even know what I was doing until Cissa had cried out..." His jaw clenched. "If it weren't for Draco, I wouldn't have known what I have done."

He closed his eyes. "If there's one thing I know about myself, Severus, it would be that I would never hurt my own family…at least, not intentionally…" He began to direct his stare at the former spy. "And I have a feeling that the Dark Lord left us a little gift before he left."

 _What?_

The former headmaster's mind was quickly loaded with questions. The teacup he had been drinking from earlier was set down as confusion filled him. He immediately wanted to know about all of this when he realized his question from earlier was not answered.

"Lucius, why are you here?" He asked quietly.

Silence stretched between them until Lucius rustled from his seat.

"I need a potion," He answered as he licked his lips. "That'll erase the dark mark and I need you to make it. I'm willing to invest how much you may ever need. I'm willing to do anything just to remove this _damn_ thing."

"Why me? And why a potion? Why not research a spell and find its counter curse?"

"Severus, you surely know the answer to that, no one else would want business with a _former_ death eater, you're the only one left that I know who wouldn't poison me when given the chance." He drawled distastefully. "As for why a potion: I've already exhausted my entire library and found no spell. I've even bought some ancient books containing dark magic which hinted from some to little to no answers. I've done everything I can, but alas, to no avail.

"Potions are the only thing I haven't looked up and I know those are more of your forte." He hesitated for a second before speaking. "I— I need your help, I've bitten off more than I could chew, and I'm tired of quarreling with my family. You need to make this Severus, if not for me, then for yourself or for your wife. I have no idea how this curse is triggered but once it starts, it won't easily stop. And I don't dare imagine what _you_ would do under these effects…"

He offered his hand to him and steadily looked at him in the eye. "Will you do it Severus?"

The dour man studied him silently.

His influential companion under careful scrutiny seemed worn out and disheveled. His complexion was sallow and ragged along with his eyes sunken. He also appeared much thinner than normal as his robes appeared loose. The blonde didn't waver underneath his stare and was determined as much as the time of the battle when Snape had seen him. He sighed. He knew he would work on this sooner than later anyway but he hated how he used Hermione as a bargaining chip just to get what he wanted; though he begrudgingly must admit, that it was completely effective.

Looking at his friend's tired and weary eyes, he softened and somehow muttered, "I'll do it."

And that was when his own personal hell had started.


End file.
